Don't take your gifts to the grave

A few years ago, I was watching a dvd with my father about a famous Nigerian singer, whom we’ll call Samuel. Samuel, who by the time of narration was well into his 60s, recounted how difficult it had been for him when he first started out. When he was growing up, wanting to be a singer was akin to wanting to be an alcoholic or a drug dealer. It was a major league no-no. The origins of this belief are unclear, but it was every family’s worst nightmare for their child to pursue this career path.

Despite all the strong objections, when Samuel was a young man, he ventured out of his village to perform at a concert. Whilst there he received a telegram from his father saying that he was ill, almost dying, and he requested that his son come home immediately. Shocked, Samuel returned home quickly, expecting to find his father on his death bed, desperately clinging to life for just one more opportunity to see his son’s face. On arriving home Samuel was horrified to discover, as his family imprisoned him in their home, that not only was his father fully alive and well, but the whole thing had been a ruse to lure him back home and convince him using any method that the life of a singer was for those louche individuals for whom life held no purpose; singers were nothing but drunkards and no hopers.

Despite all their protestations, Samuel stood his ground and pursued his dream of being a singer, and eventually received national acclaim. My father told me that there were other professions that were scorned as well, such as nursing ("to do this meant that you were a licentious person; why else would a woman want a job peering at people's bodies all day?"!!!!). The only jobs deemed fit for any self-respecting Nigerian was being a lawyer, a doctor or something in the civil service. Again there was no point of reference for these beliefs.

I'm not sure if he is the actual author of this statement, but Dr Myles Monroe is often credited for saying "the graveyard is the wealthiest place on earth". He means that people have gone to their graves rich with unreleased or unrealised potential, robbing the world of the opportunity to benefit from the incredible gifts and abilities they had been blessed with. This thought played through my mind when I thought of the countless number of people who, because of lack of support from their parents or societal pressure, did not do what they had been created to do. It is such a sad thought. Not everyone has the courage of Samuel to persist with their dreams despite pressure to give them up.

That is one of the reasons that I decided to pursue being a writer. I didn't want to go to my grave without knowing what I could have contributed to the world with just a bit of hard work and self belief. Having turned 39 last week, I am fully aware that I have let a lot of time slip because of procrastination and fear and now really is the time to put my foot on the accelerator and get going!

Have you any dreams that you have given up on? If so, I would encourage you to pick them up again and see if you can still make it happen. Don't rob the world of your brilliance!

Don't give up yet

If you are anything like me, there are certain times of the year when you become especially contemplative. For me this occurs on my birthday and New Year's Eve. Yes, I know today is the 30th, but I've been reflecting on the state of affairs concerning my life so far.

I used to think that things would just happen, e.g. Mr Right would just come along, the perfect job would fall into my lap, I would travel the world etc. That's the way it has happened for just about everyone I know. There wasn't any striving - it just seemed that when it was their time, things just slotted into place. I automatically assumed that would be the story of my life too. I couldn't understand why it was that, when I would have various reunions with friends, my life was the only one that was unchanged since the last time we had met. I was the only one who wasn't married, didn't have kids, wasn't in a long-term job, didn't yet have my own place, wasn't driving etc.

I would chide myself for not trying hard enough, or for not being focussed enough. Now this was the case in some of the scenarios I ran through my head, but not in all. I recalled the hundreds of jobs I had applied for, which didn't result in success. I thought about all of the networking I had done, and all of the things I had tried to do to create the type of life that I wanted for myself to no avail.

I was watching the Biography channel while I was at my mother's house over Christmas. They spoke about George Clooney's path to fame. Before he made it big, he was written off as a failed actor by everyone in the film industry and many of his friends. One of the contributors joked that he was the "Pilot King" because every time a new show was starting you would more than likely see George starring in it. Every one of the shows tanked, which did not help his situation! By the age of 31 he had not made his name in Hollywood despite slogging away at it for 12 years. Even though the movie industry is a lot more gracious to men than it is to women with regards to age, it is the general rule that if you have not caught the eye of the studios by your early twenties, then you should pack your bags and go home and definitely think about embarking on a completely different career.

By this time George was flat broke and sleeping on a friend's sofa who now wanted him out. He was criticised by many as being lazy and lacking ambition – how else could a jobless, homeless 31 year old be described? Others in his field of the same age had been working in their careers for at least a decade with more success than him. Other friends had settled down with spouses, children and their own homes. What was wrong with this guy?

At this time Hollywood was abuzz with talk of a script for a new show that could be a hit; the studios liked the concept and a call was put out for actors to fill the part. George the Pilot King was called for an audition; he got the part and went on to become a household favourite as Dr Doug Ross, aka Gorgeous George, in the fast-paced hospital drama ER. The rest, as they say, is history.

Ok, so I’m a bit older than Mr Clooney but our lives matched in every area detailed on that show. It gave me hope that even though I’m the only one out of my peers who hasn’t hit any of the expected life markers and still seems to be drifting, I know that as I keep going something will give. I have often wondered why, for all of the efforts I have made, that I have not tasted the success that those around me seemed to have gained with half the effort. But this is my unique path. This is my story. Why it has to be this way has yet to be revealed, but it will definitely be a sweet moment to savour when everything aligns and I’m living in my destiny.

If this bears witness with you, I just want to give you an encouraging word: keep on going. If it has been confirmed that you have the talent, and you enjoy what you are doing, STICK WITH IT. You are not alone, others have experienced the exact same thing that you are going through right now, but as they persevered they eventually got what they had been looking for all the while. You have been sowing seed all this time; who’s to say that harvest time isn’t just around the corner for you? Don’t give up!