Friday 1 August 2008

Love this song!

I was trying to figure out how to get the actual screen of this song on my blog, but if you click on the link instead you can enjoy the wonderful music of Carole King! "Natural Woman" is my favourite song of hers. What a legend! Enjoy!

Dude, I said NO!!

I get asked out quite a lot by guys; I like to think that I am a pretty good judge of character and during the course of conversations with the majority of them, I can tell what they are are about and whether or not there will be any type of relationship with them, be it romantic or friendship.

When they ask me out, I very politely tell them no. I really do appreciate the courage it must take for a guy to ask a girl out...I couldn't do it!! I can count on one hand those who have respected my wishes and left it at that. The rest keep on pushing me to go out with them. Again I very gently and politely decline. When they sill keep hassling me, so as to not hurt their feelings I tell them I already have a boyfriend, which isn't true! At this point some say "Oh, ok. But we can still be friends, give me your number." Yeah, right!! Others have the barefaced cheek to say "So what? I'm not asking to date him, I'm asking to date you"!!!! Uh huh - if I was actually foolish enough to go out with these kind of guys I would be one of a harem of women he'd be dating!!

Why won't some guys take no for an answer? While in one sense I admire their persistence, in another I resent the fact they are trying to force me into doing something that I've told them I don't want to do.

How do you get a guy to respect the fact that you do not wish to date him without have to resort to having an imaginary boyfriend???


Whenever strangers stop to talk to me, one of the first things they ask me is where I’m from.

People tend to mean different things by this question, so I give different answers on each occasion just to try and figure out what people are really asking me. Sometimes I say “I’m Nigerian.” On hearing this response some will say “were you born there?” I reply that I was born in London, and then they will say “so what you mean is you’re British and your ancestry is Nigerian.” Other times I will reply “I’m from London.” The enquirer will then say “I mean where are you from originally?” the implication being that they do not identify me as coming from this land. When I answer that my parents are from Nigeria they are satisfied with the response.

Experimentation aside, I classify myself as Nigerian. The reason being that although I was born and raised in London, I was raised in a Nigerian household with the values, etiquette's and cultural leanings of my ancestors. I was surprised to discover that a lot of people, both black and white, take offence at this. The stance of some is “why are you here if you don’t want to be identified as being British?” They assume my stance is a racial/political thing, but it isn’t at all! In my (Nigerian) culture, you are where your father comes from. So if my father was Irish and my mother Nigerian, I would be classed as Irish, full stop. If my father was Nigerian and my mother Irish, I would be classed as Nigerian, full stop. Still others will state that if your ancestors emigrated here from somewhere else, you cannot claim to be British. For me, if any person living in this society decides to classify themselves as being British though their ancestors were not, this is perfectly acceptable. I cannot see why there should be an issue with either scenario.

I’ve watched many documentaries where hundreds of thousands of people with full British ancestry emigrate to a foreign country and identify themselves as “ex-pat British”, even down to their children who are born in that foreign country. I have yet to hear of an instance where the people take on the identity of the land they have called home for many years. But this stance is readily accepted.

What do you think? Why is how people identify themselves a source of contention for some people? Would it offend you if someone in your society chose to take on the identity of their ancestors (assuming their ancestors were not originally from your society)? If so why? What are the motives/implications you read into such a decision? Should a person take their identity from who they were nurtured by or where they were nurtured?