I was at a film festival a few months ago and watched a truly moving documentary called "My Father, Pablo Escobar." For those of you who may not know who he was, Pablo Escobar was a Colombian drug lord. He is regarded as the richest and most successful criminal in world history. In 1989, Forbes magazine declared Escobar as the seventh richest man in the world, with an estimated personal fortune of US$9 billion. During his reign it is estimated that he was responsible for the murder of thousands of people.
The documentary was shown through the eyes of his son, Sebastián Marroquín, real name Juan Pablo Escobar, who was slowly, 15 years after his father was murdered in 1993, coming to terms with the truth about who his father really was. His father had totally shielded him from the knowledge of how he amassed his wealth. The documentary didn’t say what led Sebastián to start searching for the truth about his father, but you could see he was deeply conflicted and haunted by what he discovered. The world knew Pablo Escobar as one of the most blood thirsty individuals to ever walk the earth; Juan knew him as a loving father, someone who was always there for him, loved him, played with him and gave him everything that money could buy. There was one particular scene which showed just what torment he was in. He played a tape of a story his father had made up for him just to entertain him. After a few moments, Sebastián turned to the interviewer and said: “can you believe that the man who took the time to make up a silly story for his son, is the same man responsible for murders of so many people?” He had great difficulty reconciling the man he knew and loved to the one the world knew and despised. It’s quite possible he may never be able to.
I was thinking about this documentary when I was at a meeting discussing the gun and knife crime culture that has besieged London for the past few years. Young people are killing each other at an alarming rate for the most nonsensical reasons. Some at the meeting were concerned that by always assuming such youth were part of a gang, young people as a whole were being criminalised. I understood their concerns but they overlooked something. In several high profile cases where the parents had insisted that their murdered children were not gang members, images of them on YouTube or Facebook brandishing guns and knives, or taking part in acts of violence proved otherwise.
I used to wonder how the parents knew nothing of what their children were involved in; I mean how can you NOT know that your child is a gang member? I realised that just as with Pablo Escobar, these children were living double lives, hiding their sinister side from their loved ones. When these unsuspecting parents were publicly defending their children as decent, law abiding people, they were telling the truth as far as they knew. Their children managed to keep their illegal activities concealed. These parents never saw their children with weapons, or acting in an anti social manner. To their knowledge, their children were loving, well raised individuals, in whom they had invested the very best of their time and love. But away from their neighbourhoods, their children were known as murderous, cold blooded human beings for whom the life of people they decided to target had no value. They killed, maimed, raped and tortured with no regard at all for their victim or the impact upon their families.
As I pondered this I wondered how it would be possible to never slip up in front of their parents. Surely there must have been something in their manner or speech that would indicate that all wasn’t well. But then when I looked at examples from my own life, I saw that this wouldn’t necessarily happen. I remember when I used to smoke cigarettes; I smoked from the age of 12-19. I smoked five cigarettes a day to try and give myself an ‘edge’ as I was a bit of a square! I smoked at school during breaks. I never accidentally lit up in front of my parents. I acted like one of the ‘in’ crowd at school, running with those that smoked but at home I behaved in the manner my parents expected of me. The lines never got blurred and the two worlds never collided. If they had been asked whether or not I smoked they would have said no. But I did, they just never saw me do it.
I used to be very judgemental about parents whose children got into trouble, instantly assuming that it was their poor parenting skills that led to the criminal paths their children had taken. To be sure there are some parents who are very poor examples; they are every bit as bad as their children and in some cases even worse. However, these are not the ones I’m speaking about. When I reflected on the torment that Sebastián endured as he discovered the horrifying truth about the man that he adored as knew only as a loving father, I began to feel compassion for these parents who were now numb with shock as they tried to figure out how on earth the children they had nurtured committed such appalling crimes without their knowledge.
The more I get involved with young people and those on the fringes of society, the more I realise that nothing is as black and white as I had first assumed, and there aren’t always reasons for the things that people do.
A lot of people who I’ve spoken to cannot explain why they behaved in the manner for which they got into trouble. Not all came from broken or violent homes; there wasn’t a particular pattern that could be discerned. There was one thing they all had in common though; they had all chosen to behave the way they did.
I was in a meeting with a community policeman who is responsible for a particular beat in South London. He shared the story of a family that he was working with. The mother and father are respectable people who have raised three children. Two work in high profile jobs, but the last born is a gang leader. The parents said that they loved all three children the same, they invested the same about of time and belief in each of them; they are at a loss to explain how their son has turned out. His upbringing and current behaviour are at complete odds. The son, when spoken to, could not give any sensible answer for why joined a gang; it is simply the life he has chosen. I’m discovering that this is not uncommon.
Looking for reasons behind criminal behaviour isn’t always time and money well spent. A lot of fantastic grass roots organisations have sprung up and are making headway, but the problem escalates year on year. I feel that the most effective weapon in the battle against youth violence is the education of the parents about the times their children are living in and the perils they face. Oftentimes the understanding between parents and children about what real life is like are poles apart. A lot of parents had their formal schooling in another country and culture, not to mention a completely different era. Young people murdering each other and threatening entire communities wasn't a phenomenon they have ever encountered. But this is the reality for their children. Too many make the mistake of assuming that the lessons they learned growing up in their home country will be good enough for their children in a completely different time and place. This is seldom ever the case. Attention needs to be paid to the type of societies we live in at present and learn how to take the relevant actions to combat negative trends.
So, how are parents the secret weapon in the war against youth crime?
Search their bedrooms: Evidence of criminal activity amongst young people is often hidden in their bedroom; it is not uncommon for police searches to uncover weapons used in murders and other crimes. This is an unpopular suggestion, but something that has to be done. Some cite invasion of privacy as a reason not to do this. But is that really relevant in this climate? If you discovered that the weapon found was going to be used to seriously injure or kill your child, wouldn’t you be grateful to the parent whose integrity prevented that from happening?
Know the names of the gangs and other anti-social groups in your community: A police officer I know was having a conversation with another parent who insisted that his child was not a gang member. The police officer typed the name of a well known gang from that area into YouTube and showed the father his son right in the middle of the group brandishing weapons and talking violent trash. I would encourage parents to do the same thing. A lot of groups aren’t shy about letting people know what they do via the internet; take advantage of that.
Get to know their slang: I’m currently putting together a slang table for a workshop I hope to do next year. The reason being is that you will be amazed at what people will reveal in your presence when they think you don’t know what they are talking about. When I have Googled or asked around about some of the expressions I have heard I am shocked when I discover their meaning. Knowing what our young people are saying is a key to finding out what they may be involved with.
Get to know if certain items of clothing or jewellery are significant: In the US you can usually tell a gang member by the tattoos they are sporting or by the colour of the handkerchief they are wearing. In the UK it isn’t as obvious; here you have to listen to what people are saying to give you a clue, or look for a name written like graffiti on books or on their bags. I recently discovered that some girls in the UK, not necessarily gang members, wear thin, brightly coloured bands on their wrists called ‘shag bangles’. Each bangle signifies and advertises what sexual act they have performed or how far they are willing to go sexually. To the untrained eye, they are just a youthful fashion accessory.
Know your child’s friends: It is highly unlikely that anyone would hang out daily with someone who has an unsavoury reputation unless they too were involved in something unpleasant. Get to know the people your child is mixing with so that you can help steer them away if need be.
I think we will always have a degree of antisocial activity in our midst, but if parents act as the eyes and ears on the inside and partner together with other agencies dedicated to tackling gang violence, we can as a community make serious inroads into dismantling this destructive culture.
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