Memories

I've been thinking about my father a bit today. He passed away at 12.30pm on September 6th 2007. My family and I have been coping very well with it; I was concerned at the time that I didn't really cry about his death. I haven't cried for more than 20 minutes all told. Maybe because I'd had a little while to prepare for it, or maybe I don't really know how to grieve. Maybe I was in denial, because the whole thing seemed so unreal that I didn't believe my father would die from his illness. I don't know. In any case when I've thought about him today, tears have pricked my eyes.

Nothing triggers the memories really. They just come from out of nowhere of their own accord. I know people grieve in different ways, but I do wonder if I've repressed my emotions concerning my father's passing and other horrible events in my life, or if my emotions are frozen. I picture an emotional dam on the inside that is straining at the boundaries that is going to burst at any moment. I'm sure it will happen at some point and to be honest, I'm looking forward to it. It will be a complete release of every repressed/frozen/denied emotion that may be inside me. It will be very freeing, liberating in fact, and I believe it will help in closing certain chapters of my life for good.